SECRET CALL FROM THE PREMIER

After publishing the explosive interview with Daniel Andrews last Monday, Public Relations people have requested a phone call to, as they put it, 'set the record straight'.

HV: Hello?

DD. Err, Ahh, Yes, Hello.

HV: Who's this?

DD: It's me, Daniel Andrews.

HV: Mr Premier?

DD: I want to set the record straight. I feel like the last time we spoke, you twisted what I said, took it out of context and made me sound silly. Let me be clear, I am not silly. I am doing the best job possible for the people of Victoria and the Unions that they belong to.

HV: You do know that not everyone belongs to a Union?

DD: No, I do not know that. I have it on advice, that the people that you refer to are either signed up or are going to sign up.

HV: How can you be so sure?

DD: As I clearly stated, I have it on good advice.

HV: Advice from who?

DD: From the Unions themselves of course. They have assured me that if I keep feeding them money, they will keep signing people up. Otherwise the people to who you refer, will be out of work.

HV: That doesn't sound fair or legal.

DD. Let me be clear, legal or fair are not my priority.

HV: What is your priority?

DD: Jobs.

HV: What about the pandemic?

DD: Yes. And to beat the pandemic we need to employ people to fight it. Good people. Strong people. Qualified people. We are at war.

HV: You mean the Australian Defence Force?

DD: No. I mean Union members.

HV: Ah. What about this latest decision to enforce masking?

DD: Jennifer Coate is conducting a judicial inquiry, it's not my position to run that inquiry for her. As far as I am concerned I, nor any of my people have been involved in masking.

HV: No, I was referring to the State Government directive that, as of midnight Wednesday, we all have to cover up.

DD: Let me be clear, there is no 'cover up'.

HV: Thanks for setting the record straight.

DD: Are we now clear?

HV. Clear as I was before the call.

DD: I have to go, John Setka is on the other line.