Updated: May 1, 2020

"What good is reward if you ain't around to use it?" Hans Solo

We have slipped into a black hole time warp and arrived in the future. The future is now. What does it look like? Are we ready? Have we planned for this? You betcha we have. We're all over it. The 'Big V' has been on this for some time now. I found a 'Future Melbourne 2020' plan at Once again I have saved you the trouble and summarised the 115 pages of 'future proofing'.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

GOAL 1. A City for People

GOAL 2. A Prosperous City

GOAL 3. An Eco City

GOAL 4. A Knowledge City

GOAL 5. A Bold & Inspiratonal City

GOAL 6. A Connected City

Sounds reasonable right? Let's pick apart the bit that relates to us because, to be frank, the rest is a load of left wing bullshit that assumes we are at the Mos Eisley Cantina surrounded by life forms from other planets. This plan has more holes in it than moon cheese.

GOAL 2 An international, stimulating, safe, affordable for business (I just choked on my space burger), sporting and philanthropic city.

2.4 Coordinated support for Melbourne business.

Key indicators:

1. Significant business survival percentages;

2. Response to changed business circumstances;

3. Increased capacity and growth in key sectors;

4. Positive feedback in business-related consultations and surveys;

5. Increased investment in key sectors.

What's key to the above points? Can any mediums out there channel Harry Houdini to find it? Who writes this dribble, Yoda? Have they ever run a business? Do they realise what will happen to the ecomomy if the retail sector, of which hospitality is a major player, collapses? Did anyone consider an intergalactic pandemic before mind sending this space junk? Put down your futuristic rose coloured glasses and strap yourself in, we are going into hyperdrive.

Consider this. I sell Mars Burgers and pay rent of $1m space dollars for my restaurant in the sky. My alien landlord was worth $20m on a 5% yield. A galactic pandemic has killed trade and I can't pay the rent. The Bank of Saturn just had his property revalued and he is in breach of his 'loan to value ratio' covenants. They pull the facility (god bless them) and send in the stormtroopers. I can't pay my supply chain for space buns and space patties. I can't pay the robots and I cant pay Intergalalctic Government taxes. The house of cards comes crashing down to Earth, hard.

Star Wars was a walk in the park, this is intergalactic, economic armageddon.

Help us ScoMi-One, you're our only hope. Oh, and use the force, we’re gonna need it.

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